Never alone.

There are a few reasons why I took so long to release a new post this week. First and foremost, I have had a few pretty bad days, to the point where I was faced with the question, do I blog in spite of being in such a poor emotional state, or do I wait till I feel better so I will not smear the post with negativity? It was a difficult conundrum for me. Sure, it seems healthy to just wait it out, but that is how it starts… you skip a week, then two, then three, and when you next take a look it has been two months and it is such a chore to go back to it. I have never been in such situation, as this is my very first attempt at blogging (and it is my full intention to stick to it); but I have seen it and felt it in other aspects of life. Discipline is key, I know it, and I intend to follow through. I will not be deterred so easily.

So today I came to write, and… I cannot quite remember how, but I literally stumbled upon the answers to two questions I was having related to my blog’s layout. Question 1, how do I make it so that instead of showing every single post I’ve written in its entirety on the front page, it will display only the first few phrases? Question 2, how do I show those neat little things like, archives and blogroll and stuff? Widgets, I found them! I won’t bore you with the whole story, but after some experimenting and theme changes, as well as minor tampering with my old posts, I have managed a cleaner look on the blog. I even found out about the Internet Defense League, and I figured it is a cause worth defending. I’m still pondering on how active I will be though.

But I digress, sorry. Mental vagaries. So anyway, when my emotional haze began to dissipate, the topic for the week slowly took form, first from my emotions of the past week and then by seemingly unrelated incidents that spoke to that very mood I was fighting off. I will try and elaborate.

I think it is fairly obvious from the title. I have been feeling very much alone. We have all been there at one point or another of our lives (if you are an exception, then I pray that you never find yourself there, you lucky bastard/bitch). In my case, such feeling has been prevalent to varying degrees throughout my life (being an introvert does that), with a steep, steady climb for the last… oh I don’t know, three to four years. Add to that the explosive loss of more than a few friendships that I thought solid over the span of the last two years or so, and other stressful circumstances and events, and you end up with that feeling spiking up with increasing frequency and intensity.

In this particular bout of what may or may not be considered as depression, initially and throughout there was one powerful factor that was decisive in my climbing out of that hole (if only for the time being). That factor was people that have come to be very close to me. One, in particular, who has been very firm and constant in his support and rallying. There are others whose presence may dwindle at times, but I am getting better at remembering that we all have our battles, and they sometimes overwhelm us. As for me, it pains me that I cannot rush to their aid, be it because they may not be receptive at times, or because I simply am in no shape to lend aid as I can barely carry my own withering soul… or both. And yet, the love, solidarity and compassion, they are there. Sometimes it is difficult to remember as we writhe in pain… but it makes it no less true.

As I was helped back onto my feet with infinite patience and empathy, I came into my first clue towards the truth stated in the title. Then something else happened.

I came to find out that a former player of my World of Warcraft server had passed away recently. There was to be an Out of Character (that is, we would be there as ourselves, not our RP characters) memorial in his honor within the game. I never really met the guy even though I was already on the server when he was around, but I decided to show up anyway. Over the course of the memorial it became known that this fellow had lost the battle to depression… and his death was entirely unexpected to everyone around him, as he had seen completely normal just a few hours ago. And this led the tone of some speeches offered by those present. People began to speak about depression, urging the crowd to seek help (or provide it as possible) if we felt afflicted by depression, or we knew someone who possibly was. Websites, phone lines, and even personal pledges of support and solidarity were put forth. As we stood there, honoring the fallen fellow, it felt like there were bonds revealed, bonds transcending squabbles and dislikes. The hearts of those behind the screens could be heard beating in unison. A truth rose in great, blazing letters, before all of us.

You are not alone.”

It is something worth remembering, folks. Even if people in your immediate surroundings seem not to care, even if the voices of scorn and hatred seem often louder… take heed, and take heart. Look around you, and most importantly, do not give up without a fight. For, the fact remains, you are not alone.

I might continue with this line in terms of depression and loneliness if the mood strikes me. For now, I shall wrap this up with a fun fact. I found out my storage for the blog is limited, so I made some quick math; it seems like at this rate I will run out of space for new posts in about seven thousand years.

See you next week.

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5 Responses to “Never alone.”

  1. You my friend, are never alone. You can call on me for a smile, hug, shoulder or vent at any time. I know at some point I will use you for it 🙂

    • Awww thank you, Redd, that means a huge lot to me. I’m glad to count you among my friends.

      Thank you for your kindness and support, and thank you for reading me. It does help me keep my writing on track 🙂

  2. You know, your writing always impresses me. Considering you’re not a native English speaker and neither am I, I find your writing to be much more elaborate and eloquent than mine. I’ve had comments before from business-minded people, telling me that my writing style in everyday matters and official documents is too rich and too poetic – yet I find most of my writing to be really bland, compared to the writing of others. I’ve always thought I was good at just getting the point across and keeping it simple, which is why the comments about my overly complicated writings confused me. I feel I have a good vocabulary, but I never seem to use 90% of it. Hmm!

    Also, ❤

    • Oh my ❤

      Believe it or not, the same happens to me with certain people who I believe write in a much more poetic and flowing manner than I do. It is true they are native speakers though, so who knows. Style and inclination have much to do with it. I'm also frustrated cause I can't seem to write a story that will satisfy me.

      The few writings of yours that I have managed to read have been great, honestly. I love your descriptions and the way you have to handle emotional conflict. I think that, besides the poor opinions we may get from some misinformed people, we are our own worst judges. We shouldn't let that stop us and, really, there will always be people who like what we do and people who don't. As long as we keep at it, it's all that matters.

  3. […] Anyway, I started with a nice pace: bit of politics, some musical rambling, and dwelling into a major hobby of mine (that remains so to this day): webcomics. However, for reasons which I shall not elaborate on, during this period my mood began to worsen, slowly but steadily; this began to seep into some of my posts, which started with I’m feeling lost, I wonder if I should blog at all, and similar niceties. The blog was cathartic in that I expressed through it my ramblings about my creative process, my condition of introverted, and also an effort to remind myself that I am, in fact, never alone. […]

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