Is romanticism dead?

Let me start by saying, the internet made me late. I lost connection on Tuesday afternoon and I have not regained it cause my ISP sucks. I had to go elsewhere to get this post out within schedule. If necessary, I will post two posts or three on a given week (one by day, probably) to keep up with my weekly schedule, which I have no intention of abandoning. Only the direst circumstances force me to go on hiatus, and I cling to the belief that never again will I have such hard times as I did back in August in to a lesser degree on September. It truly feels like my life is getting on track, even though the actual destination (if any) is still far away. But at least I don’t feel like I am in a lightless pit anymore. I am, I would say, walking on sunshine.

Anyway, enough digression. Is romanticism dead? 

Showing affection is always tricky. For an easy example, I am Latino. To me it is perfectly normal to give hugs to male relatives and friends. We pat one another on the back or throw arm around shoulders. In Russia, I’m told males exchange kisses on the cheek. Or used to, maybe that is outlawed with the new bunch of stupid regulations against homosexuality. To Americans, such gestures are apparently gay.

Going on the same Latino trend, males and females greet one another with a kiss on the cheek (sometimes one on each cheek though that is more observed between females). Some of us come to America, try to greet a female friend with a kiss as it is so natural to us, and we get weird looks cause those around us think we’re putting bold moves on a hapless damsel. Now, I should probably clarify, this never happened to me, as by the time I went to the US I was knowledgeable enough (don’t ask me how) about the cultural differences, thus I sailed through pretty much unscathed. I have heard plenty of cases though, where fellow Mexicans had a bit of trouble mingling cause of these discrepancies.

Now, if you’re anything like me (and this is not a Latino thing; this is more personal than cultural), you will be naturally drawn to let the love flow (even in a friendly context) and to express it as freely as possible to those around you and whom you feel affinity with.  When I am in love, this increases exponentially. I want to hug and kiss and touch, and this is not out of a primal urge (not ALL the time anyway)… it’s simply out of sheer love. I strive to convey affection through word and action, putting the utmost care and intensity into these expressions, as much as possible. But what happens usually? Either that intensity is simply not matched, or worse… the purest gestures are spat and stomped on. This has happened to me on friendship and love. I have been abandoned in varying manners, and I have also been deceived. And every time I am stomped to the ground, I rise, and find that my faith in the purity of love and my drive to find it remains untarnished… if anything, it grows stronger. For every fall mostly reassures me of what I am truly capable of.

There is a drawback, however. What happens when you create a truly special memory with someone, a nickname, a place, a routine… and then that someone stomps you in such a way that all those precious memories becomenightmares? And you try again, because you refuse to give up, and come up with new things, to really make the moments special… only to find out you were deceived, betrayed (which happens to many of us)? What then? Do you give up? Do you purify these pure gestures and words as you find someone else whom you can build something beautiful with?

Because, let me tell you what happens when you are romantic to any degree, large or small. As you persevere and fail over and over again, you begin to feel like words such as ‘love’, ‘special’, ‘relationship’, ‘friendship’, are losing value. Because they are uttered by those who are pure of heart and intent, but they are spoken just as readily by those who for one reason or another seek only to mislead you while caring nothing about your feelings. You hesitate to give promises that were once precious and are now tainted by the memory of past betrayals, and hesitate to believe them because in the past you heard those same words from people who later hurt you in the most despicable manners. You may be even suspicious of their motives; maybe you are not special to that other person, you are just rebound for them.

Thus, often, no matter how pure and sincere you are, you end up paying for the sins of those who came before you… and it can also happen you are so burnt out that you hesitate to believe in those who arrive after you were ground to dust repeatedly. Ironically enough, there are some who complain about people being assholes without realizing that it is them, and those like them, who create the assholes. If anyone were to argue “poor souls, they deserve pity for they were hurt themselves”, I will say, that is absolutely no excuse. Nobody is spared pain in their lives, and everybody chooses how it affects them. Some draw strength and wisdom from it, some use it to justify their petty, thoughtless actions. I consider the latter kind to be poison, harmful to have around, and when I catch one near, every bridge to them, every memory of them, is tossed to the incinerator much like you do with a rotten tree. Interestingly  enough, even noxious  people can do you some good as they come and go (not always, but it does happen), and if you are smart enough you can definitely keep that good and just toss the rotten out.

So I ask again: Is romanticism dead?

Not to me. I am an incorrigible dreamer and idealistic beyond hope. As I have said before, I am intense, I am passionate; I love to show appreciation, and affection, to hold and be held. I love to sing and serenade,I love to soothe and be soothed, I love to enflame and be enflamed. I love to utter fervent words in hushed whispers…  I dream of lifelong love, even of family.

I want a dream lover, so I won’t have to dream alone”.

I am a romantic to the bone… And sometimes I think it might eventually be the death of me.

See you next week.


One Response to “Is romanticism dead?”

  1. Love will find it’s way. It may be taking the long way around, but it will find you.

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