“My spirit is a roaring sea”

Holy Toledo. I’ve been away for over a year.

Okay, not exactly. Every now and then, when a topic comes to me and strikes me as worthy of inspiration, I toss a little blurb into the Drafts folder. Problem is, a lot of them lose relevance as time goes by. And that is my other problem. Time, I don’t have it. I know, I know. Nobody has time, so you make time. Sadly, I wasn’t very good at it, but I hope to improve.

Because… remember what I said a few posts back? I like blogging, I really do. For the past year or so, when looking back at my blogging, it’s never been with the bittersweet feeling of something that is gone, but with the unequivocal feeling of coming (back) soon. Even while inactive, I keep finding sources of inspiration for more and more posts. Heck, I’m already set for roughly the first half of the year at a weekly pace, and that’s without factoring in the ideas that will surely come to me in the future.

So why has everything been thrown into the drafts folder and nothing into the main page? It’s definitely not for lack of encouragement. A few select people (you’re likely reading this, you know who you are) have been kindly badgering me to get back to the, uh… equivalent for writers of a drawing board. And, while I’m at it, I’d like to state for the record that said encouragement did not go to waste; because, creative motivation aside, it’s always good to know that there are people out there who care so much for what you do, they’ll poke you relentlessly (but caringly) to take up the pen.  So, to those people, thank you. You are appreciated.

Back to the why: These past weeks (months, really), let’s just say that the family business has had need of my undivided attention. I’ve become responsible of management, advertising, video editing and clerical shenanigans all in one, and it has not been easy. I mean, I do rock it, all of it; but it’s not something my mind is wired for doing. It’s like using a scalpel for carving wood: it will get the job done but it’s not quite what it is for. So, by day’s end, I would usually feel so drained mentally that all I wanted was relief… kind of like dunking your feet in warm water instead of dancing, after you walked for miles and miles. That relief, usually, would come in the form of gaming, with just the right mix of challenge and casual involvement to freshen me up before bed. Fun, relaxing, but with the drawback that it took away any time I could have poured into writing.

Then came the holidays. For roughly three weeks, I was pretty much off the grid. No gaming, no computer, except for (again!) work. Oh it wasn’t entirely boring: errands to run, nights out aplenty, some movie watching, a dash of reading and even an occasional bout of Hearthstone -frown all you want on the Smartphone Hegemony, no one can deny they’re useful for portable entertainment-. All in all, I got by, but it wasn’t ideal. Aside from the around-the-clock socializing (meaning I could not indulge my introvert inclinations at all), mental stagnation began to take root. There was no challenge, no activity, no train of thought. Granted, I could have done better; I could have packed different applications, like the WordPress app for writing, and Duolingo for continuing my French development. I didn’t have the proper foresight, but I learned, and that’s what matters.

I learned that this brain of mine doesn’t simply enjoy the creative flow and the challenge of, sorry for being redundant, learning (in this context, French). It needs these things. Furthermore, as the days went by, it became clear to me that gaming is more than just a pastime: it also helps keep my mind active by requiring quicker thinking and decision making; and watching movies is, in my case, a poor substitute. Don’t get me wrong, I like watching movies and series, and I am pretty selective about what I watch. But I won’t rely only on movies for entertainment for weeks on end if I can help it.

And I also learned something which I apparently keep ignoring: Writing, to me, is not a simple hobby: it’s a lifestyle. It’s what I do, what I am. Which is why, going forward, I intend to write every day. Here, or on Deviant Art (which I need to tidy up, I think), or on whatever other outlet I can come up with. Posts, short stories, anything, my goal is to churn words -and works- out every day. Practice, I want practice. I still want to rock NaNoWrimo. And, you know what? I want to go pro. I want to publish something. I don’t quite know what yet, but I’ll get there. This is, after all, a fantastic era to live in as a writer, because you no longer need to solely depend on editors and publishing houses… you can be self-published! And I want that. I have no way of telling if I’ll make it big, but I’ll never know if I don’t try. I’ll never get there if I don’t take that very first step, and another, and another.

Basically, what I decided is to put my strengths to my own use. I’ve been serving others with my skills and my smarts, and that’s all good and dandy, but I should look after myself too. It’s only right. And it makes me a more whole, more stable individual. A win-win, no?

There’s a reason why I wanted to start the year with this post, and if it is not apparent, then let me tell you: I want to inspire you, I want to encourage you. 2016 is barely starting, but even if you read (or reread) this in a few months, or a few years, I want you to find the momentum you might need. I want to offer it, as I myself keep revving up, to go, and find, and achieve. Because, echoing the words of Gavin Aung Than: (Read the original here)

Beyond my pain beyond my fear
For no one will I bend a knee
My heart is fire, my mind is clear
My spirit is a roaring sea

Your spirit, too, is a roaring sea.

See you next week.

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4 Responses to ““My spirit is a roaring sea””

  1. I’m so glad that you are starting up again. I’ve missed reading your posts and I haven’t been the most supportive as live got a bit out of control. I look forward to more!

  2. I am so glad you are back!! i missed reading your blog, but I also missed my friend!

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